Square Nipples
7th May 2008, 01:55 PM
I just found out about this "internet" crap the other day so i figured id give it whurl. (its not as tasty as i expected...)
So i woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again.... wait no, thats for the other forum....
alright so there i was minding my own business at 1am, pants may or may not have been involved, and BAM! i get a loud knock on my window.
so i innocently peer past the curtain to be confronted by this:
http://img125.imagevenue.com/loc1191/th_27738_me_122_1191lo.JPG (http://img125.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=27738_me_122_1191lo.JPG)
i know, i shat myself to.
yes, unfortunately it was none other than the ae86dc member resol.
I quickly scraped up the substantial mound of sphincter i had just created and headed for the back door.
i calmly stepped outside and said "WHAT THE F*CK ARE U KNOCKING ON MY GOD DAMN WINDOW FOR"
he replied " dude, dude, dude, f*ck man, like wow, you know how i tired to seduce you last night....
Long story short i bought a Ke70
http://img243.imagevenue.com/loc34/th_71505_Image007_122_34lo.jpg (http://img243.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71505_Image007_122_34lo.jpg)
So on about the 2/2/08, when the moon was at its ripest, the great ke70 roadworthy extravaganza began!
due to resol's self proclaimed awesomeness over myself, we both dived in and got cracking. unfortunately he is a bit of a f*kwit,
this was our to do list:
fix rust in boot,
replace passenger door
flare guards,
bunnings respray
sigma GH press fit LCA's
new ball joints
different struts for manly braking
so anyways, it all started with a trip to centre road wreckers for some sigma GH model press fit LCA's. Unfortunately "cpt awesome" couldn't accompany me, however i did find a friend, we chatted, talked about resol's lack of intelligence, traded war stories and eventually part of my cloths.
meet billy
http://img129.imagevenue.com/loc683/th_71279_DSC00418_122_683lo.JPG (http://img129.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71279_DSC00418_122_683lo.JPG)http://img150.imagevenue.com/loc888/th_71281_DSC00421_122_888lo.JPG (http://img150.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71281_DSC00421_122_888lo.JPG)
By the time i got home i was pretty psyched. i had a new door some lca's and a new friend. Unfortunately the ball joints were f'd in the a. As i sat down in resignation in my garage staring at the ke70 shaking my head, all of a sudden, out of god damn knowehere,
EERRRCCHH, BLAM, BANG, FUT, FUT, FUT, FUT, CHERHH!!
i look up to see resols busted ass AE70 drift chariot pile drived though my garage door, sideways.
As i was busy scraping my jaw off the floor he popped his head out of the drivers window and says, F*ck dude, did you see my sweet munge into ur driveway??
me: "um, the garage door was closed AND STILL IS, apart from the god damn hole you just made"
Resol peered around at my now desecrated door,
resol: "was that me? are u sure that was me?"
me: "god i hate you"
I slowly got out of my chair as he exited the car with a yellow box in his hand. 'hah fan of the yellow box' i muttered to myself.
resol: "check this sh*t out man"
resol handed me the box,
me: "omg, your a freak" inside were two brand spanking sigma ball joints.
resol: "now you got to do is ram those puppies in there" he said thrusting vigorously
me: "stop that"
A short while later, after some manly banging.......of the ball.....joints with a sledge hammer they were in. and in the car.
http://img143.imagevenue.com/loc1108/th_27743_DSC00411_122_1108lo.JPG (http://img143.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=27743_DSC00411_122_1108lo.JPG)
resol: "sweet, lets get this rust sh*t sorted ma nig!"
surprisingly resol reached down his pants and procured a fibreglass kit, bogging kit, vibrating sander, 4 particle masks, brein, some empty coke cans and a 7-11 slurpie.
lets just say my eyebrow was firmly raised.
me: "shit you have a lot of spare space down there".
resol: "yea, if by down you mean up"
me: "stop winking at me"
me:" stop touching me there, f*cking jesus lets just get on with the car" i said in a confused yet deeply aroused tone.
sooner rather than later..
http://img179.imagevenue.com/loc121/th_71506_Image053_122_121lo.jpg (http://img179.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71506_Image053_122_121lo.jpg)http://www.ae86drivingclub.com.au/dcimages/4/8/4/3/169522.jpg (http://img178.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71507_Image060_122_20lo.jpg)http://img43.imagevenue.com/loc817/th_71510_Image061_122_817lo.jpg (http://img43.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71510_Image061_122_817lo.jpg)http://img204.imagevenue.com/loc377/th_71107_DSC00373_122_377lo.JPG (http://img204.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71107_DSC00373_122_377lo.JPG)[
"Alrighty" i said in a half yawned fasion. "just need some struts and were good for roadworthy"
resol:"fuk man give me $80 and ill get some for you now, there st141, ital be mint, u can use the st141 steering arms as well.
me:"yea sure whatevz, I'm tired"
needless to say i was tired, and in being so, i was taken advantage of. i slumped myself back down in my chair after handing over the green, staring vacantly as resol monster trucked his car back out of my garagedoor, talking another portion with him.
I must have fallen asleep, "what tha fuk!", i was startled awake to find resol thrusting my face with the top end of strut that he was holding between his legs.
i slaped it away, in a kind of "at least you got them" manner. I stumbled out of my chair, past the cable ties, over to the 17mm socket to start putting them in.
resol mozie'd on over to the other side of the car, "oi dude", i said, "i think ill up the anti abit, if you ever fall asleep like i just did, I'm gonna take a dump on your forehead because even if u wake up in the process ital b funny"
his response was a thumbs up and we both moved on.
Once the brakes were bled it was mechanically done, we both stood next to each other looking down at the front of the rolla thinking sh*t, were gonna need to flare the guards just to make those wheels fit.
after a torrent of, "can't fit it in" "need to stretch it" jokes and possibly some heavy shirtless petting, the guards were rolled, bogged and ready to party.
http://img223.imagevenue.com/loc39/th_71109_DSC00415_122_39lo.JPG (http://img223.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71109_DSC00415_122_39lo.JPG)http://img178.imagevenue.com/loc346/th_71110_DSC00416_122_346lo.JPG (http://img178.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71110_DSC00416_122_346lo.JPG)http://img208.imagevenue.com/loc89/th_71112_DSC00417_122_89lo.JPG (http://img208.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71112_DSC00417_122_89lo.JPG)http://img141.imagevenue.com/loc218/th_71287_DSC00422_122_218lo.JPG (http://img141.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71287_DSC00422_122_218lo.JPG)http://img244.imagevenue.com/loc199/th_71289_DSC00423_122_199lo.JPG (http://img244.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71289_DSC00423_122_199lo.JPG)http://img106.imagevenue.com/loc1069/th_71290_DSC00424_122_1069lo.JPG (http://img106.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71290_DSC00424_122_1069lo.JPG)
me:"oy resol, just g2 respray it and were good yea"
Resol: "yea look, I'm going, i don't do paint, it will clash with my black nail polish"
me:" F*ckin can't argue with that"
once again resol slammed his way out of my garage..
meaouuuurr! screamed my neighbours car as the final piece of my garage door came crashing down on top of it.
lol, cop that, i muttered.
at that i waltzed over to my workshop and pulled out the 10 cans of bunnings "doeskin paint" i had been saving for a rainy corolla day.
& For all those who think it can't be done,
http://img152.imagevenue.com/loc737/th_71354_DSC00425_122_737lo.JPG (http://img152.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71354_DSC00425_122_737lo.JPG)http://img13.imagevenue.com/loc1162/th_71361_DSC00426_122_1162lo.JPG (http://img13.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71361_DSC00426_122_1162lo.JPG)http://img179.imagevenue.com/loc382/th_71372_DSC00431_122_382lo.JPG (http://img179.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71372_DSC00431_122_382lo.JPG)http://img144.imagevenue.com/loc906/th_71374_DSC00436_122_906lo.JPG (http://img144.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71374_DSC00436_122_906lo.JPG)http://img137.imagevenue.com/loc1144/th_71385_DSC00443_122_1144lo.JPG (http://img137.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71385_DSC00443_122_1144lo.JPG)http://img156.imagevenue.com/loc1175/th_71443_DSC00445_122_1175lo.JPG (http://img156.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71443_DSC00445_122_1175lo.JPG)http://img170.imagevenue.com/loc844/th_71456_DSC00452_122_844lo.JPG (http://img170.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71456_DSC00452_122_844lo.JPG)
FIN!!......, or so i thought
unfortunately the next day jesus was up there sittin on his thrown with a brueski in one hand and a babe in the other gettin healed by mother nature when god burst into his room..
god: "me (god) damnit jesus, i told you to be ready for your 12am smite'ing, if you make the family late again you a grounded with no X-box for 2000 years"
jesus: "f*uk, i forgot, i swear ill b ready"
god: "don't YOU DARE SWEAR IN THE HOUSE OF GOD AGAIN, WHY AM I YELLING IN 3RD PERSON,..........ARR JESUS CHRIST?"
jesus:"what?"
god:"NOTHING.... god damnit"
jesus:"dad are u talking to yourself again?"
god:"JUST BE READY!!!!!" he screamed as he slammed the door.
jesus:"sorry j.alba, ive got to smite square nipples in 10, ill be back i swear, don't u go drinking my Crownie."
at that jesus left jess alba and his crownie and headed into the smite mobile where mr and mrs god were waiting. 2 minutes later....
http://img9.imagevenue.com/loc634/th_41774_DSC00459_122_634lo.JPG (http://img9.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=41774_DSC00459_122_634lo.JPG)http://img181.imagevenue.com/loc444/th_71459_DSC00460_122_444lo.JPG (http://img181.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71459_DSC00460_122_444lo.JPG)
As i limped my uninsured ass home, i began counting my thruppence and started to contemplate just what a $2140 hole in my collection of wing wangs would look like.
thus as it stands,
god & commodore owner = 1
square nipples = 0
total corolla price $1500…
commo repair $2140
end transmission
nb: this was written is assosiation with resol
So i woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again.... wait no, thats for the other forum....
alright so there i was minding my own business at 1am, pants may or may not have been involved, and BAM! i get a loud knock on my window.
so i innocently peer past the curtain to be confronted by this:
http://img125.imagevenue.com/loc1191/th_27738_me_122_1191lo.JPG (http://img125.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=27738_me_122_1191lo.JPG)
i know, i shat myself to.
yes, unfortunately it was none other than the ae86dc member resol.
I quickly scraped up the substantial mound of sphincter i had just created and headed for the back door.
i calmly stepped outside and said "WHAT THE F*CK ARE U KNOCKING ON MY GOD DAMN WINDOW FOR"
he replied " dude, dude, dude, f*ck man, like wow, you know how i tired to seduce you last night....
Long story short i bought a Ke70
http://img243.imagevenue.com/loc34/th_71505_Image007_122_34lo.jpg (http://img243.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71505_Image007_122_34lo.jpg)
So on about the 2/2/08, when the moon was at its ripest, the great ke70 roadworthy extravaganza began!
due to resol's self proclaimed awesomeness over myself, we both dived in and got cracking. unfortunately he is a bit of a f*kwit,
this was our to do list:
fix rust in boot,
replace passenger door
flare guards,
bunnings respray
sigma GH press fit LCA's
new ball joints
different struts for manly braking
so anyways, it all started with a trip to centre road wreckers for some sigma GH model press fit LCA's. Unfortunately "cpt awesome" couldn't accompany me, however i did find a friend, we chatted, talked about resol's lack of intelligence, traded war stories and eventually part of my cloths.
meet billy
http://img129.imagevenue.com/loc683/th_71279_DSC00418_122_683lo.JPG (http://img129.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71279_DSC00418_122_683lo.JPG)http://img150.imagevenue.com/loc888/th_71281_DSC00421_122_888lo.JPG (http://img150.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71281_DSC00421_122_888lo.JPG)
By the time i got home i was pretty psyched. i had a new door some lca's and a new friend. Unfortunately the ball joints were f'd in the a. As i sat down in resignation in my garage staring at the ke70 shaking my head, all of a sudden, out of god damn knowehere,
EERRRCCHH, BLAM, BANG, FUT, FUT, FUT, FUT, CHERHH!!
i look up to see resols busted ass AE70 drift chariot pile drived though my garage door, sideways.
As i was busy scraping my jaw off the floor he popped his head out of the drivers window and says, F*ck dude, did you see my sweet munge into ur driveway??
me: "um, the garage door was closed AND STILL IS, apart from the god damn hole you just made"
Resol peered around at my now desecrated door,
resol: "was that me? are u sure that was me?"
me: "god i hate you"
I slowly got out of my chair as he exited the car with a yellow box in his hand. 'hah fan of the yellow box' i muttered to myself.
resol: "check this sh*t out man"
resol handed me the box,
me: "omg, your a freak" inside were two brand spanking sigma ball joints.
resol: "now you got to do is ram those puppies in there" he said thrusting vigorously
me: "stop that"
A short while later, after some manly banging.......of the ball.....joints with a sledge hammer they were in. and in the car.
http://img143.imagevenue.com/loc1108/th_27743_DSC00411_122_1108lo.JPG (http://img143.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=27743_DSC00411_122_1108lo.JPG)
resol: "sweet, lets get this rust sh*t sorted ma nig!"
surprisingly resol reached down his pants and procured a fibreglass kit, bogging kit, vibrating sander, 4 particle masks, brein, some empty coke cans and a 7-11 slurpie.
lets just say my eyebrow was firmly raised.
me: "shit you have a lot of spare space down there".
resol: "yea, if by down you mean up"
me: "stop winking at me"
me:" stop touching me there, f*cking jesus lets just get on with the car" i said in a confused yet deeply aroused tone.
sooner rather than later..
http://img179.imagevenue.com/loc121/th_71506_Image053_122_121lo.jpg (http://img179.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71506_Image053_122_121lo.jpg)http://www.ae86drivingclub.com.au/dcimages/4/8/4/3/169522.jpg (http://img178.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71507_Image060_122_20lo.jpg)http://img43.imagevenue.com/loc817/th_71510_Image061_122_817lo.jpg (http://img43.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71510_Image061_122_817lo.jpg)http://img204.imagevenue.com/loc377/th_71107_DSC00373_122_377lo.JPG (http://img204.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71107_DSC00373_122_377lo.JPG)[
"Alrighty" i said in a half yawned fasion. "just need some struts and were good for roadworthy"
resol:"fuk man give me $80 and ill get some for you now, there st141, ital be mint, u can use the st141 steering arms as well.
me:"yea sure whatevz, I'm tired"
needless to say i was tired, and in being so, i was taken advantage of. i slumped myself back down in my chair after handing over the green, staring vacantly as resol monster trucked his car back out of my garagedoor, talking another portion with him.
I must have fallen asleep, "what tha fuk!", i was startled awake to find resol thrusting my face with the top end of strut that he was holding between his legs.
i slaped it away, in a kind of "at least you got them" manner. I stumbled out of my chair, past the cable ties, over to the 17mm socket to start putting them in.
resol mozie'd on over to the other side of the car, "oi dude", i said, "i think ill up the anti abit, if you ever fall asleep like i just did, I'm gonna take a dump on your forehead because even if u wake up in the process ital b funny"
his response was a thumbs up and we both moved on.
Once the brakes were bled it was mechanically done, we both stood next to each other looking down at the front of the rolla thinking sh*t, were gonna need to flare the guards just to make those wheels fit.
after a torrent of, "can't fit it in" "need to stretch it" jokes and possibly some heavy shirtless petting, the guards were rolled, bogged and ready to party.
http://img223.imagevenue.com/loc39/th_71109_DSC00415_122_39lo.JPG (http://img223.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71109_DSC00415_122_39lo.JPG)http://img178.imagevenue.com/loc346/th_71110_DSC00416_122_346lo.JPG (http://img178.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71110_DSC00416_122_346lo.JPG)http://img208.imagevenue.com/loc89/th_71112_DSC00417_122_89lo.JPG (http://img208.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71112_DSC00417_122_89lo.JPG)http://img141.imagevenue.com/loc218/th_71287_DSC00422_122_218lo.JPG (http://img141.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71287_DSC00422_122_218lo.JPG)http://img244.imagevenue.com/loc199/th_71289_DSC00423_122_199lo.JPG (http://img244.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71289_DSC00423_122_199lo.JPG)http://img106.imagevenue.com/loc1069/th_71290_DSC00424_122_1069lo.JPG (http://img106.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71290_DSC00424_122_1069lo.JPG)
me:"oy resol, just g2 respray it and were good yea"
Resol: "yea look, I'm going, i don't do paint, it will clash with my black nail polish"
me:" F*ckin can't argue with that"
once again resol slammed his way out of my garage..
meaouuuurr! screamed my neighbours car as the final piece of my garage door came crashing down on top of it.
lol, cop that, i muttered.
at that i waltzed over to my workshop and pulled out the 10 cans of bunnings "doeskin paint" i had been saving for a rainy corolla day.
& For all those who think it can't be done,
http://img152.imagevenue.com/loc737/th_71354_DSC00425_122_737lo.JPG (http://img152.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71354_DSC00425_122_737lo.JPG)http://img13.imagevenue.com/loc1162/th_71361_DSC00426_122_1162lo.JPG (http://img13.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71361_DSC00426_122_1162lo.JPG)http://img179.imagevenue.com/loc382/th_71372_DSC00431_122_382lo.JPG (http://img179.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71372_DSC00431_122_382lo.JPG)http://img144.imagevenue.com/loc906/th_71374_DSC00436_122_906lo.JPG (http://img144.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71374_DSC00436_122_906lo.JPG)http://img137.imagevenue.com/loc1144/th_71385_DSC00443_122_1144lo.JPG (http://img137.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71385_DSC00443_122_1144lo.JPG)http://img156.imagevenue.com/loc1175/th_71443_DSC00445_122_1175lo.JPG (http://img156.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71443_DSC00445_122_1175lo.JPG)http://img170.imagevenue.com/loc844/th_71456_DSC00452_122_844lo.JPG (http://img170.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71456_DSC00452_122_844lo.JPG)
FIN!!......, or so i thought
unfortunately the next day jesus was up there sittin on his thrown with a brueski in one hand and a babe in the other gettin healed by mother nature when god burst into his room..
god: "me (god) damnit jesus, i told you to be ready for your 12am smite'ing, if you make the family late again you a grounded with no X-box for 2000 years"
jesus: "f*uk, i forgot, i swear ill b ready"
god: "don't YOU DARE SWEAR IN THE HOUSE OF GOD AGAIN, WHY AM I YELLING IN 3RD PERSON,..........ARR JESUS CHRIST?"
jesus:"what?"
god:"NOTHING.... god damnit"
jesus:"dad are u talking to yourself again?"
god:"JUST BE READY!!!!!" he screamed as he slammed the door.
jesus:"sorry j.alba, ive got to smite square nipples in 10, ill be back i swear, don't u go drinking my Crownie."
at that jesus left jess alba and his crownie and headed into the smite mobile where mr and mrs god were waiting. 2 minutes later....
http://img9.imagevenue.com/loc634/th_41774_DSC00459_122_634lo.JPG (http://img9.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=41774_DSC00459_122_634lo.JPG)http://img181.imagevenue.com/loc444/th_71459_DSC00460_122_444lo.JPG (http://img181.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=71459_DSC00460_122_444lo.JPG)
As i limped my uninsured ass home, i began counting my thruppence and started to contemplate just what a $2140 hole in my collection of wing wangs would look like.
thus as it stands,
god & commodore owner = 1
square nipples = 0
total corolla price $1500…
commo repair $2140
end transmission
nb: this was written is assosiation with resol